226. Love & Engineering: A Geek’s Guide to Hacking the Software of Love

11 takeaways from this documentary:

00:00:45 Emotions aren’t rational, and yet they are powerful enough to control the brain’s decision-making process.

00:02:13 At the Helsinki University of Sciences in Finland, the then student and now Senior Researcher for Huawai Atanas Boev conducted research and taught the secret weapons of pickup masters to use pickup lines and conversation (transactions) to get through her defenses (firewall) to get every woman in bed.

Arte Documentary - Love and Engineering

One technique (hack) is to ask a question while your back is turned to her – your target. Her, thinking you were speaking to her (logic), will answer your question. In doing so, it is not you who has started the conversation (transaction) with her, but her who has started the transaction with you. You’ve successfully hacked your way into the middle of a transaction with her.

The difference between an engineer and a normal guy is that when the television breaks, a normal guy will bang on it with his fist.

00:06:54 Women are constantly hacking men’s decision-making processes with their cleavage, their makeup, their short skirts… so why should’t men? If love can be reduced to mere electric impulses in the brain, then love can be hacked in the same way a computer can be.

00:09:01 Dating, in a way, is like a job interview. You may not get the job, but you’ll get the experience needed to improve your interview skills.

00:10:01 The lessons learned by hacking love can be extrapolated and transferred to other domains. The theory of relativity applied to love as said through Albert Einstein: “When you put your hand on a hot stove, a second can feel like an eternity. When you’re talking with the woman you love, an hour can feel like a second.”

00:14:52 Pheromones play an important role in attraction, however it is not the only thing. Below is an excerpt from a conversation between an engineer and a woman who – when blindfolded – indicated she was attracted to the engineer’s odor:

Engineer: “What kind of music do you listen to?”
Woman: “All kinds of music.”
Engineer: “So you like heavy metal?”
Woman: “No, it’s not really my style.”
Engineer: “I’ve been a drummer in a heavy metal band for +12 years.”
Woman: “Okay.”

00:18:48 Love occurs in 3 stages:

  1. Desire: which is activated by physical appearance and flirting. Symetric faces and well-proportionned body forms aid at this stage. The chemicals involved at this stage are testosterone (for him) and estrogene (for her).
  2. Attraction: the moment when we are completely in love and cannot think of anything else. This feeling is the result of the neuro-transmitters adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin coursing through your body. Love and sexual rejection and deception lowers serotonin.
  3. Attachment: the bond that helps the couple last over the long-term. This attachment is the results of the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: For more related to the love and it’s related chemicals, check out:

00:19:44 With speed dating, what matters isn’t what you say; it’s how you say it. Your physical appearance counts for as much as 50%, your way of speaking approximately 40%, and the words that actually come out of your mouth only 10%. Your goal isn’t to say who you are, but to give a good impression of yourself.

A good way to give a good impression of yourself is to become the mirror image of the person in front of you.

00:21:16 Your goal should be to monitor and assess which techniques work, while simultaneously having experiences.

00:21:56 It’s always easier, and their is less pressure, when being set up with a friend of a friend than it is when flirting with a stranger. Less stress and pressure means greater chances it will work out.

Even though it’s logical and you understand, Love hurts deeply sometimes; especially when you’ve been rejected because of your weaknesses.

00:35:28 To determine if you are chemically attracted, you must kiss. If the kiss isn’t enjoyable, forget it.

If you feel self-confident and good about yourself, why not go out into the real world instead of hiding behind a phone dating application? It’s attractive to meet someone who is confident and feels good about him/herself.